Ex works for EADS in Munich Germany, and was working in New Jersey for a 5 year program. the Program was now ending in December 2000 and he decided for us that we would take another transfer to work on a program in Paris, France. He would begin in Jan 2001 and we were to follow in June 2001 when children finished off school.
He calls end of January 2001 ending our relationship claiming no other party involved. In Feb 2001 I flew to Paris with son and finally discovered that there was a mistress and that he did not intent for us to join him in Paris. At this time, I am still dealing with death of my mother 5 months earlier for which he had no respect or empathy for. I asked why he and his mistress couldn't have given me a year to at least get over my Mom's death before hitting me with this bombshell?
besides, I wouldn't have know about mistress until June 2001 anyway. We had a very profitable consulting business going on at this time as well. He told me that if I didn't work with him from now on as if we never had a romantic involvment he would then close down the business and then I would see what the courts would do for me since we were never married. By the way we never married because it took over 4 years for him to get a divorce from his second wife who lives in Germany with his 2 other children by that marriage.
Now here I am 2 1/2 years later, having exhausted all of the inheritance left me by my mother, and also no 401K money to use because I had cashed it in first year we were together in order to help pay household expenses while he had to pay large sums for the wife and family in Germany. He did shut down the busiess in June 2001.
He also refused to sit with me and work out all of the debt and household expenses. I have just been paying minimums on everything and the interest alone has been more than most of my payments. I finally filed for child support in July 2001 and also needed support for myself since I was no longer working for our company. I was now left with our son and my 2 other young children from my first marriage. It has taken over 2 1/2 years and $20,000.00 in lawyer fees to get some type of settlement from him which was signed off January 2003.
My ex is a Director of Finance and Contracts making a 6 figure salary + bonuses and car perks. The support amount was substantial and was to be for a minimum of 2 years with a max of 5 years. Either could refile claiming changes in work, marriage or other financial status but only after the 2 year period. Well this past August 2003, I received another shock, his support payment check was for exactly 33% of what he is supposed to be sending since January 2003 support order and has now told his lawyer that his company has relocated him back to the company headquarters in Munich and that his salary has been cut by 40%.
Also no more bonuses or other financial perks that used to get. he is now arbitrarily usending what he thinks he can afford after he pays all his other bills.
In June 2003 I had made the difficult decision to move out of our home where all my children had lived since birth (12 years) into a home 1/3 the size trying to downscale our expenses to meet the support order from January 2003. After a horibble chaotic move in June 2003, I now get the devastating shock of his tricks of changing jobs and a drastic arbitrary reduction in support, without any forwarning whatsoever.
Remember we had no contact with him since Dec 2002, so he did not even know that we had moved. The very fishy part of all of this is that in the last 22 years this man has never worked from his home base and certainly never ha a salary lower than 6 figures. He is adamently claiming that it was a mandatory reassignment from his upper management that he go back to Munich.
Coincidently, this is also where his mistress happens to live. He had been comuting back and forth every weekend from Paris to Munich to live with her since Feb 2001, (these was his words in a deposition).
He has not visited his son since November 2002, and sent a small Christmas package in December 2002. that was the last we had heard from him. We are in contact with his family in Germany, who tells us that he does not keep in touch with them either and that they do not wish to meet or have any relationship with this new woman. They are also shocked and fed up with his tossing out wives and children and moving onto the next lover/victim.
I would like to be able to verify how he was transferred back to Munich at such low salary. I suspect foul play and I also suspect that he is getting income in another way in order to keep from paying us what he is ordered to here in New Jersey.
Since he is not living in America I have been told that it will be extremely difficut to enforce any court orders......
I am desperate and frightened about our future here because I have hospitalized with a blood clot and upper rib surgery last September 2002 and again in November 2002 that has healed very badly. Apparently all the intense physical work of house packing/moving this summer caused scar tissue to form results were TOS. I have had excruciting shoulder and arm pain this past 2 months since moving. Went back to doctor and had an MRI. They now found a Rotator cuff tear.
I am in therapy 3 times a week and i hate it. It takes up so much of my day and the pain after a session is bad. I was told not to do any lifting or heavy cleaning etc,etc,etc. But who esle is going to do it??Fortunately I am not working because I would have had to take sick leave for a while. Now I am not even in any condition to look for work because of the weakness in my shoulder and arm. So now I am frantcially trying to find a way to enforce the support order. I am also fighting him in trying to get money from him for bills that we had together when he took off.
I am overwhelmed with phone calls, letter from creditors and the everyday chores and caring for 3 young boys with absolutely no outside help. I never have had the proper time to mourn for my mother and have been holding everything in for fear that I will lose my grip on reality. I haven't been able to take of myself so that i could heal faster. I am really in Limbo.